How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder During Thanksgiving

For many families, Thanksgiving is a time for togetherness, gratitude, and celebration. But for someone struggling with an eating disorder, it can be one of the most stressful days of the year. The focus on food, body comments, and big social gatherings can easily trigger anxiety, guilt, or shame.

As a parent or loved one, you might feel unsure of what to say or do to help. You want to make the day easier - but you may also worry about saying the wrong thing. The good news is: your support and understanding can make a huge difference.

Here’s how to navigate Thanksgiving with compassion, awareness, and care.

1. Remember: It’s Not About the Food

It can be tempting to think the struggle is about the turkey or the pie, but eating disorders are rarely about the food itself. They’re about deeper emotions - control, anxiety, perfectionism, or pain - that show up through eating behaviors.

When you see your loved one avoiding certain foods or eating very little, try not to focus on the meal itself. Instead, focus on their comfort and emotional safety. Offer connection and understanding rather than pressure or judgment.

2. Talk Ahead of Time

If possible, have a gentle, private conversation before Thanksgiving Day. Ask what would make the holiday easier for them. You might say:

“I know this day can be really hard. How can I support you so you feel comfortable?”

They might share that they want to skip certain parts of the meal, avoid food talk, or have someone they can check in with for support. Even if they don’t have all the answers, your willingness to ask shows that you care.

3. Keep the Focus on Connection

Thanksgiving conversations can easily drift toward food, diets, or weight—sometimes without anyone realizing it. Try to gently steer the focus toward what the holiday is really about: connection, gratitude, and togetherness.

A few helpful reminders for the table:

• Avoid comments about portion sizes, “good” or “bad” foods, or how much someone is eating.

• Skip diet talk or jokes about “earning” your meal.

• Compliment things unrelated to appearance—like how happy you are to see someone, or a story that made you laugh.
  
  

These small shifts help create a safe and welcoming atmosphere for everyone, especially someone in recovery.

4. Create a Calm and Flexible Environment

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a rigid schedule. If possible, build in breaks and quiet spaces where your loved one can step away if they feel overwhelmed.

You might say:

“If you ever need to take a breather or go for a walk, that’s totally okay. Do what you need.”

This gives them permission to take care of themselves without guilt or explanation.

5. Support Without Policing

It’s natural to worry if your loved one eats very little - or too much - but avoid commenting on what or how they’re eating. Even well-meaning remarks (“I’m just glad you’re eating!” or “You barely touched your plate!”) can feel shaming or triggering.

Your role isn’t to monitor their eating; it’s to be a safe, supportive presence. Trust that they and their treatment team are working on recovery in their own way and at their own pace.

6. Have Backup

If your loved one is currently in treatment, it may help to check in with their therapist or dietitian (if they’ve given permission) for guidance. You can also prepare yourself by having a few supportive resources on hand, such as:

• The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

• Crisis Text Line: Text NEDA to 741741 for 24/7 support in the U.S.

  Knowing where to turn if things get overwhelming can give you both peace of mind.

7. End the Day with Compassion

At the end of the day, remember: showing love and acceptance is far more powerful than saying the perfect thing. If the day feels tense or emotional, that’s okay. Recovery is not a straight line, and the holidays can be tough even for people years into healing.

Be gentle with your loved one - and with yourself. You don’t have to fix their struggle; just being present, patient, and kind is a gift in itself.

Final Thoughts

Thanksgiving can be complicated when someone you love is facing an eating disorder - but it doesn’t have to be hopeless. With empathy, preparation, and open communication, you can create a holiday that feels more supportive and less stressful.

Going Home for the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, comfort, and connection—but for many of us, going home can also stir up a mix of emotions. Between nosy relatives, subtle (or not-so-subtle) comparisons, and the pressure to prove you’re “doing well,” it’s easy to leave a family gathering feeling drained instead of refreshed.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and the good news is, you can approach this holiday season with more peace and confidence. Here are a few ways to protect your energy, avoid comparison traps, and stay grounded when you’re home for the holidays.

1. Ground Yourself Before You Go

Before heading home, take a few quiet moments to reconnect with yourself. Remind yourself of what’s true for you—your values, your growth, and what you’re proud of right now.

When you’re centered in your own truth, you’re less likely to get swept up in someone else’s expectations or judgments. Try journaling a few sentences like:

• “I’m proud of the progress I’ve made this year.”

• “I don’t need to prove my worth to anyone.”

• “It’s okay if my path looks different.”

This mental reset can act like emotional armor before you walk through the door.

2. Set Realistic Expectations

Not every family gathering is going to feel like a Hallmark movie—and that’s okay. Go in knowing that some conversations might be awkward or even frustrating, but that doesn’t mean the whole visit is ruined.

You can prepare mentally by setting an intention:

• “I’ll focus on the moments that make me feel connected.”

• “I’ll step away if a conversation starts to feel draining.”

• “I’ll choose calm over being right.”
  

3. Have a Few Go-To Conversation Shifts Ready

If your aunt starts asking about your love life, your job, or when you’re going to “finally settle down,” you can gently pivot the conversation without being rude. A few examples:

• “That’s still in progress! How have you been spending your time lately?”

• “I’m figuring it out. Speaking of that, did you try that new restaurant downtown?”

• “I’m taking it one step at a time. How’s your garden doing?”

Redirecting the conversation shows you’re engaged but not open for interrogation.

4. Limit Comparison—Online and Off

The holidays often bring comparison from every angle—who’s doing what, who brought the fanciest gift, who has the “perfect” family photo. Remember, social media and family stories only show highlights, not the full picture.

If you find yourself spiraling into comparison, take a deep breath and remind yourself: everyone is on a different timeline. The season is about connection, not competition.

5. Create Mini Escape Hatches

You don’t need to sit through every conversation. If things get tense, it’s completely okay to excuse yourself:

• Offer to help in the kitchen.

• Take the dog for a walk.

• Step outside for some fresh air or a short drive.

A few minutes away can help you reset your mood and come back with calm energy.

6. Find Your Allies

Every family has those few people who make you feel more like yourself. Spend extra time with them. Whether it’s a cousin who shares your humor or a sibling who “gets it,” lean into the relationships that nourish you.

And if that’s not possible this year, schedule calls or texts with your chosen family—your friends who remind you who you are.

7. End Each Day with Gratitude

Even if the day was messy or emotional, take a moment to notice one thing that went right. Maybe you laughed hard with your dad. Maybe you set a boundary that used to scare you. Maybe you just made it through.

Give yourself credit for that. Growth doesn’t always look graceful—but it is progress.

Final Thoughts

Going home for the holidays doesn’t have to mean losing your peace. With a little preparation, compassion, and humor, you can navigate family gatherings with confidence and calm.

Remember: you don’t have to prove yourself—you just have to be yourself.

OCD Awareness Month

Written by Halsey Redman

October is OCD Awareness Month, a time dedicated to shedding light on one of the most misunderstood mental health conditions: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). While the term often gets tossed around casually in everyday conversation ("I’m so OCD about my desk"), the reality of living with OCD is far more complex and, for many, debilitating.

Let’s take a closer look at what OCD really is, what it isn’t, and how we can support those affected.

What Is OCD?

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental health disorder characterized by recurring, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). These obsessions and compulsions interfere with daily life, causing significant distress, anxiety, and impairment.

• Obsessions: Intrusive and unwanted thoughts, urges, or images that trigger intense anxiety. Examples include fears of contamination, harming others, or disturbing taboo thoughts.

• Compulsions: Behaviors or mental acts performed in an attempt to reduce the anxiety caused by obsessions. This might include handwashing, checking, repeating phrases, or arranging items in a specific order.

People with OCD often know their thoughts or behaviors are irrational but feel powerless to stop them.

Common Misconceptions About OCD

Despite growing awareness, OCD is still widely misunderstood. Here are some myths that need debunking:

1. Myth: OCD is just about being neat or organized.

Fact: While cleanliness or orderliness can be part of OCD, the disorder is much more complex. Many individuals struggle with distressing thoughts that have nothing to do with tidiness.

2. Myth: Everyone is “a little OCD.”

Fact: OCD is not a personality quirk or preference. It’s a diagnosable mental illness that can be severely impairing. Liking things a certain way is not the same as having OCD.

3. Myth: People with OCD can just stop their behaviors if they try hard enough.

Fact: OCD is not a matter of willpower. The compulsions serve as a coping mechanism to relieve intense anxiety. Telling someone to “just stop” is not only unhelpful—it’s harmful.

What Causes OCD?

The exact cause of OCD isn’t fully understood, but research suggests a combination of factors:

• Genetics: OCD tends to run in families.

• Brain Structure and Functioning: Studies have shown differences in brain activity in people with OCD, particularly in areas related to decision-making and emotional regulation.

• Environmental Factors: Trauma, stress, or certain infections (like PANDAS in children) can trigger or exacerbate OCD symptoms.
  

OCD Is Treatable

The good news? OCD is treatable, and many people see significant improvement with proper care. The most effective treatments include:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Specifically, Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is considered the gold standard. ERP involves gradually exposing individuals to feared situations while helping them resist the urge to perform compulsions.

2. Medication

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), like fluoxetine or sertraline, can help reduce OCD symptoms. Sometimes higher doses are needed compared to treating depression.

3. Support Groups and Education

Connecting with others who understand can reduce isolation. Education helps both individuals and their loved ones better navigate the condition.

4. Other Options

In severe or treatment-resistant cases, options like intensive outpatient programs, deep brain stimulation, or transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) may be considered.

Conclusion 

OCD is not a joke, a personality trait, or something that can be “fixed” overnight. It’s a real and challenging mental health condition, but with the right support and treatment, recovery is absolutely possible.

This October—and beyond—let’s move beyond the stereotypes and show real understanding, compassion, and advocacy for those affected by OCD.