Men's Mental Health Month
by Bryan Randolph, LICSW
Counseling can be helpful for all people, yet men are much less likely to seek care. Imagine the following: You have just been diagnosed with heart disease. Chances are low (but not zero, given some of the men in my life I have known) that you would tell yourself “This isn’t real, It’s just all in my head” and “I need to toughen up and deal with this myself”. Yet, these phrases are commonly heard when we talk or think about mental health. A recent study found that despite 77% percent of the men polled reporting symptoms of a mental health condition such as depression, anxiety and unhealthy levels of stress, close to half (40%) said it would take thoughts of suicide or self-harm before they seek help. Men face many barriers to getting help, including believing that mental health issues and stress injuries are signs of weakness, fear of judgment from others, worry about potential consequences related to their job or ability to have firearms, and simply not having the time, resources or energy to get help. Even men who do reach out often feel that medical providers under-estimate and mislabel their concerns or provide treatment that is not helpful.
Good mental healthcare can help diagnose and treat stress injuries, illnesses, disorders, and conditions related to our brains and nervous system. However, mental healthcare is not just about treating things that are wrong and fixing things that are “broken”. Counseling works to help us connect to our mind, body, and spirit; in other words, to be the person we want to be.
Issues helped by counseling
The counseling process starts by working to identify problem areas in your life and then creating goals for improvement. Your therapist will work to provide different treatment options and collaborate with you to create a treatment plan. Many men find it difficult to know where to start or feel uncomfortable focusing on themselves. There are a variety of different styles and approaches that can help make it feel more comfortable and help to figure out “what to talk about”. Additionally, treatments exist that involve minimal or no verbal processing, which can be appealing to those who do not want to, are unsure how, or feel unable to talk about their past or current problems. Check out the end of this post for more information about these options.
Many men wish that they could control their emotions better, including issues related to anger, anxiety, worry or OCD, depression, or feeling “numb or empty”. They may “bottle up these feelings” or turn to unhealthier ways of coping, such as over-use of drugs and alcohol or video games/social media, being a “workaholic” or isolating themselves from others. Counseling often starts by helping men recognize the problems they are facing and identifying potential underlying causes and/or contributing factors to these issues. I frequently work with men who make connections for the first time between their current behaviors and trauma, neglect, abuse, or a chaotic upbringing in their past. I frequently get asked “This [insert horribly traumatic thing] happened to me in my past and I never told anyone. Do you think that’s had any impact on me?” (Spoiler, the answer is “Yes”). I also often help individuals discover that many of their problems and challenges are actually symptoms of undiagnosed conditions such as anxiety, OCD, ADHD, Depression or being on the Autism Spectrum. Being able to recognize these things often brings a profound sense of relief. It helps individuals understand themselves and learn how to make things better by taking accountability for the things they can change and to not beat themselves up for things that are out of their control.
Many men find it hard to deal with stress related to relationships. I often work with men seeking help related to conflict and tension with their spouse or partner, particularly around issues related to parenting. Sexual health issues, including performance, communicating wants/needs to your spouse or partner, or unhealthy behaviors related to sex or pornography are also common reasons men seek counseling.
Work stress is another large factor that drives people to seek help. Many men find it hard to discuss issues related to work and tend to keep their feelings to themselves. Counseling can be a helpful place to get support managing a challenging job, feeling aimless or unsure of a career direction and/or help finding or keeping a job.
First responders, law enforcement, and veterans experience or have experienced exposure to traumatic events on a frequent if not daily basis. Many individuals in these roles feel hesitant to seek help due to worry about judgment from others and/or potential consequences that could affect their ability to do their job. Myself and many other clinicians in our practice frequently work with those in these types of roles and have experience addressing the particular needs of these groups, including the ability to handle listening to the types of situations encountered on calls, and other unique challenges to these fields.
Benefits of Counseling
Counseling is focused on more than just identifying problems. Benefits of counseling include improving relationships by developing better communication skills and being able to manage emotions rather than avoiding problems or exploding in anger. It can lead to feeling closer with your spouse or partner, feeling better able to navigate the challenge of parenting in a way that is supportive while also setting and holding healthy boundaries, repairing or accepting difficult relationships with your own parents, and creating meaningful connections with the people in your life.
Counseling can prevent mental and emotional health issues from getting worse or becoming larger. Learning how to manage stress and anger can improve overall physical health as many issues can be caused or made worse by stress, including stomach, muscle and nerve pain, IBS, chronic fatigue, headaches and autoimmune conditions, among others.
Counseling provides a non-judgmental and objective space to discuss problems and “think out loud”. Talking to a counselor is a chance to process your thoughts and express your feelings in a raw and unfiltered way without worrying about how it will affect the counselor or how it will make them see you. Additionally, counselors are trained to listen and will not be burdened or disturbed by the things you share.
Beyond office and talk-based therapies
Some feelings can feel difficult to put into words. Trauma, chronic anxiety and depression, and feelings that just seem to “exist” without a clear explanation are often extremely difficult for the “thinking and word” parts of the brain to process. “Walk and talk” sessions can be helpful for individuals who feel uncomfortable sitting down in an office setting and find it easier to open up while outside and/or engaging in physical activity.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) use bilateral stimulation to help the brain reprocess stuck feelings of trauma and emotional distress that have been resistant to change through talk therapy or medication. Sensorimotor Therapy and Somatic Processing Therapy use movement, posture and sensations to help locate and shift emotions on a physical level in order to create internal feelings of safety and control.
Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP) uses a controlled dose of a psychedelic medication, administered by a medical professional, to create experiences that are then processed with a therapist to help individuals radically shift their perceptions of themselves and their past experiences.
Help is out there
While attitudes are changing and more men are seeking counseling than before, many are still resistant to or unsure of seeking out help. This June I encourage you to take a moment and take stock of your own needs. If you have been considering counseling or think it could be helpful, I encourage you to reach out and learn more about the many different options available. There is nothing weak about wanting to be happy, healthy, and confident.
