Self Care? Am I Doing it Right?
Written by Halsey Redman
In the age of mental health awareness, “self-care” has become a popular buzzword. We're constantly reminded to rest, take bubble baths, set boundaries, and treat ourselves with compassion and that’s a good thing. But somewhere along the way, a subtle confusion has crept in. Sometimes what we call “self-care” is actually avoidance in disguise.
So how do we tell the difference?
What Is Self-Care?
True self-care isn’t always glamorous. Sure, it can look like candles and a Netflix night, but more often than not, it’s about making choices that serve your long-term well-being.
Real self-care might look like:
Going to therapy even when you’d rather not talk about it.
Saying no to that third drink because you know how it’ll make you feel tomorrow.
Turning off your phone and going to bed early.
Meal prepping for the week even though takeout would be easier.
Facing uncomfortable conversations rather than letting resentment grow.
Self-care is about restoring yourself, not numbing yourself.
What Is Avoidance?
Avoidance is about escape. It’s doing what feels good in the moment to avoid what feels difficult. It often gives short-term relief but leads to long-term discomfort or stagnation.
Avoidance might look like:
Scrolling for hours to ignore anxiety.
Telling yourself you need a “mental health day” every time stress builds up, without ever addressing the cause.
Binge-watching shows instead of studying or working through a problem.
Ghosting people to avoid confrontation, then feeling isolated later.
Labeling everything as “toxic” to avoid uncomfortable growth.
Avoidance whispers, “You don’t have to deal with this right now.” And sometimes, that's okay. But if it becomes a pattern, you may find yourself stuck.
Intent and Impact
One way to tell the difference is to ask yourself these two questions:
What is my intention?
Am I doing this to take care of myself, or to avoid something hard?What is the impact over time?
Does this action help me feel more capable, rested, and grounded-or more disconnected, stressed, or stuck?
Self-care often requires effort, while avoidance often offers instant relief. But the long game is where the distinction becomes clear: self-care helps you grow; avoidance keeps you running.
You Don’t Have to Get It Perfect
Sometimes you need a night off. Sometimes avoiding something is a form of self-preservation. This isn’t about judgment- it’s about honesty. Self-compassion means acknowledging when you’re overwhelmed without pretending that escape is always healing.
You’re allowed to rest, but you’re also capable of rising.
