How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder During Thanksgiving

For many families, Thanksgiving is a time for togetherness, gratitude, and celebration. But for someone struggling with an eating disorder, it can be one of the most stressful days of the year. The focus on food, body comments, and big social gatherings can easily trigger anxiety, guilt, or shame.

As a parent or loved one, you might feel unsure of what to say or do to help. You want to make the day easier - but you may also worry about saying the wrong thing. The good news is: your support and understanding can make a huge difference.

Here’s how to navigate Thanksgiving with compassion, awareness, and care.

1. Remember: It’s Not About the Food

It can be tempting to think the struggle is about the turkey or the pie, but eating disorders are rarely about the food itself. They’re about deeper emotions - control, anxiety, perfectionism, or pain - that show up through eating behaviors.

When you see your loved one avoiding certain foods or eating very little, try not to focus on the meal itself. Instead, focus on their comfort and emotional safety. Offer connection and understanding rather than pressure or judgment.

2. Talk Ahead of Time

If possible, have a gentle, private conversation before Thanksgiving Day. Ask what would make the holiday easier for them. You might say:

“I know this day can be really hard. How can I support you so you feel comfortable?”

They might share that they want to skip certain parts of the meal, avoid food talk, or have someone they can check in with for support. Even if they don’t have all the answers, your willingness to ask shows that you care.

3. Keep the Focus on Connection

Thanksgiving conversations can easily drift toward food, diets, or weight—sometimes without anyone realizing it. Try to gently steer the focus toward what the holiday is really about: connection, gratitude, and togetherness.

A few helpful reminders for the table:

• Avoid comments about portion sizes, “good” or “bad” foods, or how much someone is eating.

• Skip diet talk or jokes about “earning” your meal.

• Compliment things unrelated to appearance—like how happy you are to see someone, or a story that made you laugh.
  
  

These small shifts help create a safe and welcoming atmosphere for everyone, especially someone in recovery.

4. Create a Calm and Flexible Environment

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a rigid schedule. If possible, build in breaks and quiet spaces where your loved one can step away if they feel overwhelmed.

You might say:

“If you ever need to take a breather or go for a walk, that’s totally okay. Do what you need.”

This gives them permission to take care of themselves without guilt or explanation.

5. Support Without Policing

It’s natural to worry if your loved one eats very little - or too much - but avoid commenting on what or how they’re eating. Even well-meaning remarks (“I’m just glad you’re eating!” or “You barely touched your plate!”) can feel shaming or triggering.

Your role isn’t to monitor their eating; it’s to be a safe, supportive presence. Trust that they and their treatment team are working on recovery in their own way and at their own pace.

6. Have Backup

If your loved one is currently in treatment, it may help to check in with their therapist or dietitian (if they’ve given permission) for guidance. You can also prepare yourself by having a few supportive resources on hand, such as:

• The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Helpline: 1-800-931-2237

• Crisis Text Line: Text NEDA to 741741 for 24/7 support in the U.S.

  Knowing where to turn if things get overwhelming can give you both peace of mind.

7. End the Day with Compassion

At the end of the day, remember: showing love and acceptance is far more powerful than saying the perfect thing. If the day feels tense or emotional, that’s okay. Recovery is not a straight line, and the holidays can be tough even for people years into healing.

Be gentle with your loved one - and with yourself. You don’t have to fix their struggle; just being present, patient, and kind is a gift in itself.

Final Thoughts

Thanksgiving can be complicated when someone you love is facing an eating disorder - but it doesn’t have to be hopeless. With empathy, preparation, and open communication, you can create a holiday that feels more supportive and less stressful.